I don't know about you, but I struggle constantly with how much I should be concerned with what others think of me. I'm home from church today with a bad cold and read this. It's by John Piper and is in his little book Life As A Vapor.
"Does It Matter What Others Think"
Life is too short to spend time and energy worrying about what others think of us. Or should we care about what others think precisely because that really matters in this short life? Should we be radically free from what others think, so that we don't fall into the indictment of being a "second-hander" or "man-pleaser," a slave to expediency? Or should we keep an eye out for what others think of what we do, so that we don't fall into the indictment of being boorish and insensitive and offensive? The answer is not simple. Some biblical texts seem to say it matters what others think. Others seem to say it doesn't.
For example, Jesus warned us: "Woe to you, when all people speak well of you" (Luke 6:26). And His own enemies saw in Him an indifference to what others thought: "Teacher, we know that you are true and do not care about anyone's opinion. For you are not swayed by appearances, but truly teach the way of God" (Mark 12:14). Paul said that if he tried to please men he would no longer be serving Christ: "Am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ" (Galatians 1:10). "As we have been approved by God to be entrusted wtihthe gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts" (1 Thessalonians 2:4). So it seems that Christians should not care much about what others think.
On the other hand, Proverbs 22:1 says, "A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, and favor is better than silver or gold." This sounds like reputation matters. And Paul was vigilant that he not be discredited in his handling the money he collected for the poor: "[We are] taking precaution so that no one will discredit us in our administration of this generous gift; for we have regard for what is honorable, not only in the sight of the Lord, but also in the sight of men" (2 Corinthians 8:20-21, NASB). It mattered what men thought.
Paul taught the Roman church, "Now we who are strong ought...not just please ourselves. Each of us is to please his neighbor for his good, to his edification" (Romans 15:1-2, NASB). And he taught that one of the qualifications for elders is that they must be "above reproach" (1 Timothy 3:2), including among unbelievers: "He must be well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace, into a snare of the devil" (1 Timothy 3:7).
Similarly Peter charged us to care about what outsiders thought: "Keep your behavior excellent amount the Gentiles, so that the thing in which they slander you as evildoers, they may because of your good deeds, as they observe them, glorify God inthe day of visitation" (1 Peter 2:12, NASB).
Question: How is the tension between these two groups of passages to be resolved?
Answer: By realizing that our aim in life is that "Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death" (Philippians 1:20, NKJV). In other words, with Paul, we do care - really care- about what other think of Christ. Their salvation hangs on what they think of Christ. And our lives are to display His truth and beauty. So we must care what others think of us as representative of Christ. Love demands it.
But we ought not to care much what others think of us for our own sake. Our concern is ultimately for Christ's reputation, not ours. The accent falls not on our value or excellence or virtue or power or wisdom. It falls on whether Christ is honored by the way people think of us. Does Christ get a good reputation because of the way we live? Is the excellence of Christ displayed in our lives? that should matter to us,not whether we ourselves are praised.
Again notice a crucial distinction. The litmus test of our faithfully displaying the truth and beauty of Christ in our lives is not the opinion of others. We want them to see Christ in us and love Him (and thus, very incidentally, to approve of us). When John the Baptist said, "He must increase, but I must decrease" (John 3:30), he spoke for every true Christian. We must insist on being less than Christ. I am vigilant, as far as it depends on me, to be less than Christ to others
But we know others may be blind to spiritual reality and resistant to Christ. So they may think more of us than they thought of Him. Or they may think less of us than they think of Him, not because they think well of Him, but, as Jesus said, "If they have called the master of the house Beelzebul, how much more will they malign those of his household" (Matthew 10:25). They may think He is a devil and we are worse. Jesus wanted men to admire Him and trust Him. That would have been their salvation. But He did not change who He was in order to win their approval. Nor can we change who He was, or who we are in Him.
Yes we want people to look on us with approval when we are displaying that Jesus is infinitely valuable to us. But we dare not make the opinion of others the measure of our faithfulness. They may be blind and resistant to truth. Then the reproach we bear is no sign of our unfaithfulness or lack of love.
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